par-TAY

Okay, I missed another day.  But clearly no one is reading at this point b/c this has devolved into one of those "here's what I had for lunch!" blogs, for which I am sorry.  Cool shit just doesn't happen to me every day.  And I'm not motivated to write cool every day.  So get off my case, people who aren't reading anyway!

Last night was Steve's holiday party.  You may remember it from last year.  Same place, fewer people b/c, as usual, the company laid people off just a few days before the party.  We've begun to suspect that they have lay-offs as a way of getting the guest list down to size.  First, me.  Here are my silver slippers, as chosen by my four year old:


you'll note that I'm not wearing stockings, even though it is December.  This is because I had one pair to my name and I poked a hole in them.  And I hate them anyway, so nyah. That made me even MORE comfortable that the beautiful 6 foot tall women with no body fat to keep them warm and 4 inch stilleto heels.  neener neener on them.  I even wore makeup.  I only wear it once a year, so I'm  hardly any good at it.  So I tend to use a light hand.  Which means I probably shouldn't even bother and then I wouldn't spend the night worrying that I'd rub my eye and end up with a smear.  Every time I put mascara on, I think back to 9th grade, going to the roller rink with Christy, trying to slip out of the house with mascara on our lower lashes.  We were only allowed to apply to the top.  Such harlots we were.  And so, as I put it on, at 39 years old, I think I look like a tramp.  I mean, just LOOK at me:


All jewelry is hand made.  Most of it made that afternoon.  A woman in the restroom said, "Oh, may I look at your necklace?"  And I'm getting all puffed up, all ooo, she thinks I have some fabulous jewels!  Then I'll get to pull out the old "I made it" and she'll be impressed.  Then she says, "Did you make it?"  Crap.  "yeah."  It's no fun if it LOOKS like you made it.  Ruining my fun.  Stupid chippie.

So this year, we went straight to the Baggage Carousel O' Sushi:



Look at it all!  It just comes out of a magic hole and comes right to you.  And more comes.  And more!  So we ate a LOT of sushi.  It wasn't great, but it was free and plentiful.  And really, aren't those the standards by which we should judge raw fish? Mr. Bean says "Don't think about it.  Watch the funny man!"

I also needed a flashing drink this year.  Everyone was carrying flashing drinks or flashing rings.  I'm assuming the epileptics are weeded out pretty quickly at this shindig.  What says festive like having a seizure as you sip your beverage?



I love that group behind me, having such and awesome conversation that they got a spotlight.  That didn't happen to us.  We walked around eating and mocking.  And even that is hard because by the time you make  yourself heard, the object of the mock has gone by already. Or you have to shout AS they go by.
"WHAT?"
"I SAID, 'THAT DRESS SHOULD NOT HAVE EVEN COME IN THAT SIZE!'"
"oh, hello ma'am.  You look smashing."

The desserts weren't as enthralling, so I did not eat my weight in cheesecake this year.  I just had more sushi.  there was a cupcake bar with lots o' toppings.  And dippin' dots, and table arrangments filled with gumballs. And a loud band dressed as the characters from Napoleon Dynamite.  In other words, it was the perfect bar mitzvah party.  It seemed a shame that the kids weren't there.  I  did fill my bag with gumballs to take home, though.  I felt like an idiot until I saw a woman trip and spill her bag--which was filled with gumballs.  Note to Steve's company: pay your employees enough that they can afford gumballs.  Oh, and there was this:



But APPARENTLY, you aren't supposed to take the drinks from her tray.  Whatever.  Is it an open bar or not?  Jeez.