Makeover shows are always my favorites. All the tears and the drama and the weaves. I never knew anything about hairweaves until I watched ANTM. Now, I'm pretty sure I could give one. And then pour a beer on it. As they go, this was a pretty low drama makeover. Very few Big Changes caused very few tears. Natasha got the biggest change, but she finds everything to be a positive. Funny how going from Russian poverty to American wealth can do that to a gal. I expect her to totally snap and kill at least one contestant.

The biggest surprise of the episode was that everyone kinda hates Brittany. Is it because she got that slammin' trophy with a shoe on top? I can see that would bring out the haters. She is the girl in the episode title, the one who "Cries All The Time." And she does seem quick to tear up, but I wasn't nearly as irritated by her as by Renee, who is, in fact, Satan. They gave her a really bad haircut, hoping to make her cry (because heaven knows she cried like a damned fountain last week), but nothing. She looks a lot like Sharon Stone. And about that old, too. She's all sinewy neck muscles and anger. Not really the Cover Girl look. I'd encourage her to go home to her baby, but honestly? He's probably better off.

Brittany does weep a bit at the makeover, but mostly because she's getting a weave and it hurts. White girl heads are not used to being yanked into teeny weeny braids. And the fact that the weave looks faker than Cassandra's sewn-in wig probably doesn't help her mood. But when she's in the stylist's chair, she admits that she doesn't clean her brushes because "dead hair" freaks her out. Ohhhkay. Maybe since the weave hair was never "live" to begin with,she'll be okay.

Jael, bless her heart, was concerned that if she got "normal people" hair, that others would "mistaken my normal hair for a normal attitude." Now I COULD assume that the editors gave her subtitles because she talks like she has a mouthful of marbles, but I'm thinkingit's because it's funny when models are stupid. Which is why this show is HIlarious. In the end, she needn't have worried because they spent 8 hours putting in this weave only to decide to take it back out. THEN they got their tears, oh yes. But even the black girls were saying they couldn't imagine having to get a weave and get it out all in one day. Jael has street cred now.

They turned Felicia from Tyra to April (Cycle 2 ). Apparently Tyra had had quite enough of the comparisons to her. She made a point of mentioning how bad Felicia's hair was, too. I love Tyra.

Natasha's was the big transformation. She went from looking like Aslan to looking like Shannen Doherty. Not everyone can pull that off. As she pointed out, "I think zat dis proves, any look can WORK for me." I swear, she should be a motivational speaker or something. If we could bottle her delusion? Millionaires. Easy.

<gilligantheme>And the rest</gilligantheme> No one else was interesting in the slightest. Jaslene's hair isn't nearly as long. Whitney's is longer. Diana's is blonder, Sarah's is less blond. Dionne's is much shorter and darker. And Cassandra, thankfully, got the wig cut off her head and got a fun, curly afro. It was kind of them to keep her around long enough to fix her hair. They should have let that girl that loaned out her weave come in, too.

So, on with the show. This may be the episode in which Brittany cries a lot, but it's also the episode in which I realize that I don't like Diana very much. And I'd been rooting for her. But she said, "You know what's funny about Brittany? She wants sympathy from others. And I'm like so sick of it already?" Ouch. That hurts like a bad weave, sister. But either Brittany really WAS super annoying or fat people aren't as jolly as I've heard. Because then Whitney told her that people can cry about "her boyfriend just got shot or her roommate just got shot. People don't just cry over every little thing," then she interviews that "I told her how it was, I said end of story, and I slapped her up and I gave her the dueces." Damn. Tough crowd. And Renee giggled into her hand the whole time. Bitches are COLD.

But it segued right in to the sad music and Jael finding out a good friend had OD'd. She was sad but bucked up and rocked challenges. Brittany, however, was feeling oogy and was pretty whiny about it. Which would be annoying, but the most awesome thing happened because of it. Renee leans in, all concerned, and encourages her to just sit this one out. Go back to the limo. Rest. Think about what you're doing. Now anyone who's see this show before knows that if you are sick, you have to work through it (unless you do, and then Tyra might tell you you have to take care of yourself, but if you're going to take a bet, bet on "work through it") Renee was totally trying to get her eliminated. Jael kept coming back with "No, you have to pull yourself together honey" and Renee would go right back with the "you really need to lie down" So awesome. Like those little angel/devil guys that hang out on the shoulders of cartoon characters. But neener neener Renee, Brittany won the challenge (a Seventeen mag spread--no more trophies for you! sorry!). Renee sat and scowled from under her flop of hair. So pretty. And then, when Brittany called her on her backstabbing ways, Renee's defense was basically: I gossip. Deal. So then Brittany says, "I'm still kicking your ass in this competition" and Renee flips her the bird. So, so classy.

So the photo shoot was the inevitable nudie shoot. And yet, Brittany reacted with surprise and dismay. Every season. EVERY season, there is a nude shoot. You will get a new hairstyle and you will pose nude. This year, you will pose nude in your new hairstyle. I found it FAR more distressing that they were going to be covered in food. Ick. And the photos are gross. They are not fierce, they are sticky. But whatever.  Renee's picture totally looks like she threw up, and I'd post it, but CW's site doesn't have the close-ups like they used to and you just can't get the full effect in the long shot.  So go look at it on Youtube.  blech.

Judging, and Tyra is wearing another headscarf with hairpiece.  What on EARTH is going on.  They did this stupid little "we're cutting Tyra's hair with hedgetrimmers" at the makeover, but it led to no big reveal of a super-short 'do...I'm sure if it were cancer, Tyra would have let us know, so that the tears of the nation could heal her...so what?  What does the Tyra wear headgear?  Anyway.  Cassandra is out. Next will be one of the plus sized gals.  Not sure which.  At some point soon, it will be brought to our attention that Jael is not rail thin.  She will go home.  Brittany, Felicia, and Dionne in the final 3 maybe?