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I know, it’s like I just posted a recap!  But some nice person was super speedy this week in getting ANTM to youtube.  The sty-cam shows us that, like every other cast, the girls are slobs.  Janet takes on the naggy mom roll and tells them to “respect” the house and “be proactive.”  I’d leave crumbs in her bed for that.  Also, the mom girl always goes home.

And then the girls go to hell.  Really.  They go to some room full of gymnastic equipment.  Poisonous spiders?  No problem.  Lay in a grave right after my friend dies?  On it.  Look like a murder victim?  You betcha.  Uneven bars?  I give.  I’m going home, let Bianca have my crown.  Okay, it’s just a trampoline.  Benny Ninja is there, asking them to pose in mid-jump.  He’s every bit as helpful as anyone on this show ever is. Ambreal ROCKED it.  Heather, bless her, flailed like she was on fire.  Lisa, who gives lap dances to strangers, lacked the confidence to jump.  I love how they edit in music to give you an impression of each girl.  Heather’s flailing is that much more ridiculous with the circus music.  Ambreal is balletic with the tinkly fairie sprite music.

Today’s challenge--pose while being held up in the air by an ice skater.  He’s some olympic dude wearing a square of fake fur on his chin to cover up some horrid disfigurement, perhaps a tattoo that says “chin rides 5 cents”.  I will not accept that perhaps that is actual “beard” grown on purpose.  It’s the usual stupid crap--Show us “anger” while a little man twirls you!--until we get to Heather who, it would appear, has more gravity than everyone else.  She just won’t go air borne.  It’s kind of hilarious.  The girls asked to show “joy” are, not surprisingly, much better than those asked to show “anger” or “sorrow.”  Ebony’s “sorrow” is taken straight from a Keane painting of “puppies for sale.”  She’s not going to be around long.  She sucks out loud.  Lisa wins the shoot for Seventeen, even though she looked really awkward and weird.  The other girls are annoyed.  She picks Janet and Ebony to go with her.  Stock in Seventeen magazine plummets.

The girls come back from their shoot and the jealousy club grudingly greets them. Bianca, who is awesomeness in a crispy bitch package, says to Lisa “Is that makeup making you break out?”  Lisa was all “You hatin’?”  No honey, she was just trying to be helpful.  This prompts Lisa to give us our weekly dose of “I’m not here to make friends.”

The challenge is to pose as “high fashion gargoyles.”  When isn’t it, really?  Ambreal, suddenly getting all kinds of screen time, is afraid of heights.  The fact that her expression never changes suggests that she is on her way home.  Ebony proves herself to be some sort of idiot savant, utterly blank and bland until the camera starts clicking.  Sarah serves hamburgers.  She should sever Ozburgers instead.  They’re much more fierce.

Going to panel, my prediction for the bottom three is Ambreal, Janet, and Sarah.  Ambreal goes home.  Holy mike, Jenah’s weave has gone south quickly.  Real horrorshow.  Kind of a toss up as to whether she or Miss J has the worse hair...Ebony’s shot is “broken, but so right.”  Sure.  If only her gums weren’t so big, then she’d make the big time.  Mid-way through the panel, Tyra gets hungry.  She pokes at Lisa to see if she’s sad for any reason.  Jackpot!  nobody likes her!    All the other girls roll their eyes and smirk.  Lisa gets first photo though, so taste it beeyatches!  I was dead on with my final three! Woo!   Janet and Ambreal are our final two.  Oh, but they send Janet home.  Which is good b/c she isn’t very pretty or tall or talented.  But just think of what a rat hole that apartment is going to become without Janet around to nag...