Episode 2: Sit. Goood Sit.

Last week on Doggie Boot Camp with Diane the Dog Lady-- introducing the clicker, "Watch me," Huck barks too much, everyone piddles.

Week two begins early.  All the owners heed Diane's advice to come before class and let the dogs walk about the store and get used to the smells and chill out a bit.  Unfortunately, it mostly seems to ramp the dogs up.  We see Huck the Sheltie outside by the door with his lady owner this time.  As Huck and Fredo lunge excitedly at one another, Huck's mom tells Fredo's mom that her husband was too frustrated in class and told her she had to go.  Every time Huck barks--which is often--she reaches down and hugs him from behind.  This seems to please him.  Then she goes back to ignoring him.  Fredo's mom sympathizes, using her hard-won playground tact skills, saying, "I really think he's just very smart and bored.  He wants a job, I think.  He just looks smart, don't you boy?  Don't you?  Oh, he's so pretty."  Rolling her eyes as she walks off, she takes Fredo inside.  The puppy class is just finishing up.  They're all lying about the ring looking docile and adorable.  Diane is all smiles and broad gestures.  She seems to really like puppies.  I mean, who wouldn't?

Meanwhile, outside the ring, the gangly adolecents and Fredo lunge at each other and their owners pull at them.  Zoe the yellow lab is VERY excited to see Fredo and yanks her mom's arm out of its socket and drags the limb down the aisle as she bounds over.  Mom just seems exhausted more than distressed.  Owners disperse with their dogs, talking to them in that high-pitched trying-to-distract-the-toddler voice "Oh!  Look, Sophie!  treats!"  "Sebaaaastian, do you see the balls?  Do you?!"   Finally the puppies leave the room with their big puppy feet and cute puppy faces and happy owners.  First into the ring is a Mastiff puppy.  She wasn't here last week.  Next is an adult mixed breed, also new.  Confused by this change, our regulars mill around outside the ring, uncertain, waiting for a cue.  Diane rolls her eyes.  "You can come IN. (implied "duh")."  Sebastian the teacup Yorkie comes in in his owners arms.  Then Cookie the Maltese, also being carried.  Fredo's mom, down to one child this week,  sees the other mutt and comes over happily.  "Hi! You seem to have a grown-up mutt, too!" 
"Yes, this is Corkey"
"This is Fredo"
"Frito?"
"No, Fredo, like Alfredo."
During this brief chat, Fredo and Corkey go from happy sniffs to excited sniffs.  Suddenly, Corkey's lips curl back and he/she snarls and barks like a police dog.  Fredo is surprised, but he barks back beause he's nobody's bitch.  Diane is Very Disappointed.  "Separate!  Walk them!"  Fredo's mom half carries, half drags the now VERY excited Fredo out of the ring.  Corkey is sent to the waaaay other side of the store. Because he is a Bad Dog who said very mean things to sweet li'l Fredo. Stupid mutt.

Fredo does a short lap and comes back.  Diane is seating people according to the dogs' temperments.  Fredo cannot be in the corner in case he gets scared again.  Sophie the beagle cannot be in the corner because she was so scared last week.  The little dogs cannot be in the corner because little dogs are easily threatened...in the end, Fredo's owner's kid goes in the corner b/c she doesn't have a freaky dog psyche.  Diane introduces the Mastiff puppy as a visitor who is making up a puppy class.  her name is Fiona and she's only 3 months old.  She's already bigger than the 6 mo old lab.  And she's TOTALLY teacher's pet.

Diane announces that today's work will be on "Sit."  Blaze is having a day off  (how did a poodle get into a union?), so she lets Fiona the Giant Puppy show everyone a Good Sit.  The other dogs do not seem to be shamed.  Huck barks.  Sophie boings up and down over and over and over.  A mic pics up Fredo's mom muttering "boing" every time, like Ramona Quimby with Susan's curls.  Zoe tries to find the treats.  Sebastian and Cookie sit on laps.  Fredo lays on his back, getting a tummy rub.  Sit looks easy.  Diane goes from dog to dog, showing us how easy it is to get a sit.  Even the viscious and tiny brained Corkey can sit with Diane.  Then it's the owners' turn.   Zoe, of course, sits.  She is a lab, and there are treats.  Sophie boings (boing!).  Huck barks.  The little dogs spin in circles.  Fredo pops up and knocks the treat from his owner's fingers and then eats it off the floor.  Corkey...who cares.  He is dead to us now.

In spite of the weakness of the Sit progress, the class moves on to a Long Sit.  Diane demonstrates on Zooooeeee (Zoe Zoe Zoe!).  She gets her in a sit, gives her a treat, and keeps treating her as long as she sits.  Because she is a lab, she would sit until her bones fuse as long as treats are forthcoming.  Then it is the class's turn and the chaos resumes.  Fredo actually does well, even though he'd REALLY like a shot at Zoe's treats.   And Sophie would really like some of Fredo's.  It's exactly like toddler playgroup.  They only want to eat what the other kid brought.

The class moves on to Loose Leash Walk.  Diane wants to talk about the Gentle Leader harness.  "Like the one...Freddo?"
"Fray-do.  Like Alfredo."
"...Fredo is wearing."
She suggests to Zoe's owner that she'd need less arm reattachment surgery if she got one.  Fiona's owners absolutely need one b/c their dog will outweigh the whole family combined.  "But it isn't a muzzle.  It won't keep your dog from BARKING (pointed look at Huck) or even biting (cuts eyes in direction of Corkey, but doesn't out and out accuse him b/c this is American and even nasty, nasty dogs get the benefit of the doubt)."  After seeing the proper way to walk--with that Zoe as an example b/c she'd heel for Pol Pot if he had treats--each dog is sent out to walk around.  For the record, Fredo (like Alfredo) wins this challenge handily, even beating out the prodigy Fiona.  The little dogs just buzz around, totally unaware that they are expected to do anything.  Sophie boing! boing! boing!s around.  Corkey breaks loose and eats all the cats in the adoption room.

Next week: No class, Diane has knee surgery, the first in a process of going totally bionic.