ANTM blather.

We had a week off for a clip show.  We learned there that Bianca can walk full-on into a glass wall and that Jenah never really had the gift of styling her own hair, even before the stank ass weave.  So, this show starts with Sarah getting the loser edit.  We shall see... then off to the hot tub/pool, where Bianca talks about Heather as if she is not there.  But she is.  Bianca seems bitter that Heather just shows up and takes a gorgeous pic without trying.  Wah, no fair!  She cries, like one of my damned kids.  Heather, who is getting better with the eye contact b/c really, you cannot give the hairy eyeball without it and that girl NEEDS the hairy eyeball, points out that she thinks about how the photo is going to look and tries to create art with her body.  The other girls try to gently call Bianca on her stank attitude without turning it on themselves.  Bianca’s eyes roll around in her head like a quarter in one of those things where you drop a quarter down that big funnel and it goes round and round and round,  How’s THAT for a poetic metaphor?  

For todays lesson/ challenge, the girls head off to a studio where they put on flesh colored leotards and character shoes.  Tyra shows up and gives a modified version of Debbie Allen’s Fame speech.  Then she kind of mimes what she’s saying about learning how to move in a sexy way...it looks like learning impaired sign language.  She’s quite masterful.  And TOTALLY out of breath.  Her speech seems to have winded her and she’s gasping out the words as she teaches them a runway walk.  I cannot believe she lets this stuff air.  She teaches them angry sexy stomp and then coy flirty model and then model sliding down the wall.  Many of the girls (heather!) look more like they’ve been shot and are sliding down.  But really, they all look so weird in these body stockings that it’s hard to think of anything else.  They look like fingers.  Remember those gloves that had a face with hair and a hat on each finger?  Like that.  Without hats.  She teaches them to crawl sexily.  No, no she doesn’t.  She SAYS she does, but really it’s just odd.  And when Heather does it, it’s a little scary.  As Bianca rightly points out (oh no, I’m agreeing with Bianca!), Heather can do no wrong.  Tyra actually says that Heather has a “Tim Burtonesque sexuality.”  Seriously?  Like...Ed Wood?  I mean, because then I’m left with various scary but awesome Johnny Depp personas.

So then they’re off to shoot an Enrique Inglesias video.  He’s wicked cute, let’s just put that out there.  Lisa and Heather are chosen for featured roles.  Bianca is chosen to bitch about it.  I must say, Chantal’s belief in her “natural modeling ability” is quite touching.  She is, in fact, very pretty.  But her modeling hasn’t been all that impressive.  But she commits to rock her strips of latex in this video.  She fails, of course.  As one always does when one tells the camera that one is a natural talent.  Newton’s first law of hubris.  Elementary, really.  She’s been getting the Other Girl in the Bottom Two edit, btw.  I’m calling it here, Sarah and Chantal.  Sarah goes home.  Okay, continue.  

The big drama that we were previewed--the required by the FCC once a season medical emergency--was that Heather, who hadn’t eaten in 12 hours, gave out in the knees.  Snore. A real model can go MONTHS on nothing but cocaine and champagne. She did look hellish, but hey, that’s part of her Tim Burtonesque sexy, right?

Heading to panel, Chantal assures us that she will be in the bottom two.  By which I mean she assures us that she is in no danger at all.  But in panel, Nigel tells Sarah that she is “disappearing in front of us.”  That, my friends, is the death knell.  You can’t come back from that.  8 girls, 7 photos.  Tyra calls Lisa, Heather, Saleisha, Bianca, Ambreal, Jenah...and YES!  Who knows the editing? Sarah and Chantal are the bottom two.  Sarah--who, we are reminded, pulled a long paper booger out of her nose at casting--goes home to work out whether to be a plus sized model or a minus sized model.  Next week!  Nekkid Heather goes nutzoid!