A Social Story for Moms

Okay, got some funny for you, but some of you will need some back story.  Social stories are used to help kids on the autism spectrum understand things like social graces and the emotions of others.  They come up a lot on my Positive Discipline board because they've been useful for non-spectrum kids, too.  Barbara has written a whole lot of these for her son.  I came to the board ranting and raving about how my kids are fighting constantly and disrespectful and generally just horrible and I need to toss them out and start anew.  In another thread, people were discussing their babysitters and I asked how one captures one of these magical creatures.  I was hoping it wasn't a virgin thing, like unicorns, because hello? there was no star in the East when any of my kids was born.  The chicks on the board suggested things that involved "phone calls" and "talking to strangers."  And therein lies my problem.  I'm insane, you see, and cannot be exposed to situations in which I might appear foolish or unknowledgeable.  I'm a Smart Girl.  It's who I am.  I cling to it tenaciously.  To the point that I won't call to order take-out if I don't know the exact procedure.  Like I said, insane.  Barbara saw my need and wrote me a social story.  It nearly made me pee myself:

**Sometimes moms want to kill their children. Moms love their children but the need breaks from their children. Being killed is bad for children. It makes them sad. After the children were dead the mom would feel sad too.

The children wish before their mother shrieks and holds them at gunpoint that she'd find a babysitter. Finding a babysitter can be scary for a shy mom. She may have to talk to another person or even use the phone. This can be hard, but it will get easier with practice. The more the mom tries to find a babysitter the more comfortable she will get. Learning to make phone calls is a part of growing up. It feels good to know for a mom to know she's growing up.

When the babysitter comes the mom can go some place and drink heavily. This will help her forget the trauma of picking up a phone to call someone. The mom will be happy to drink heavily. The children will be happy not to have been shot. Life will be good. Moms are learning every day and learning about babysitters is one part of that learning. **

Unfortunately, I'm totally immune to logic.  So I'll just keep waiting for that kindly retired pediatric nurse to show up looking for babysitting work...